Something to Talk About?

The past year has been somewhat of a challenge for me.  I feel as though I have been in a transition period stuck between two people almost.  I feel stuck between the person that wants everyone to like her and the person that just really doesn't care.  It's difficult for me to talk to people about this because I sometimes feel a little bit insane and maybe I am.  For the past year I have been pin-balling back and forth between wanting to be liked all the time and not wanting a single person to talk to me.  It has been incredibly confusing for me and I'm sure for everyone else around me also.

So today I had this amazing conversation with a friend who will be called my Fount of Wisdom.  My Fount's statement when I said I needed to work on not being so judgmental and being nicer to everyone was a very firm, "no".  I was taken aback because this was the second time this week I had received that message from this person.  My Fount said, "you don't need to change yourself.  If everyone was perfect and everyone liked each other how boring would that be?  None of us would have anything to talk about."  This might have been the first time in my life that I left a conversation feeling like I really truly could be just who I am.  That I didn't need to keep trying to be somebody else to please the people around me. It was so liberating in that moment.

My question now though is how does that effect my long time relationships?  Are people who are used to seeing me try to put forth my best foot all the time going to be disappointed in the real me?  Does anyone even know the real me?  Do I even know the real me?

I felt so relaxed after this conversation.  So at peace, something that seems to have been a sparse feeling in my life recently.  My conversation with my Fount of Wisdom ended, rather abruptly unfortunately, with my Fount saying, "we're all just too busy.  We need to just chill and enjoy life."  I love it!