Lack of Communication

In the past few weeks it seems that every frustration and argument is centering around a general lack of communication.  So, I've been spending time thinking about this anyway but had the unique experience of teaching about communication in relationships to a couple of people and it was another eye opening event.

I spent a week anticipating the time when I would get to help some young women work on their communication skills in an effort to help every future relationship they are to have.  During this week, both at home and at work, I felt frustration because things didn't get done when I wanted them to get done, or people kept griping about how hard their life was, or how tired they were.  I really wanted to tell them to just get over it but quietly smiled and said, "that's too bad, I hope things get better for you."  My Friday began to send my emotional tolerance of everyone over the edge when a close friend of mine had a major disappointing moment occur.  Nothing else mattered.  This amazing person's heart was once again crushed and everything else seemed trivial.

A series of other little things happened throughout the evening and weekend and I caught myself having more of the thoughts that are so harmful to relationships.  "He doesn't even care that I've been in here working all day on stupid laundry."  "She didn't even have the nerve to apologize for being so rude."  "They aren't even going to say thank you."  And, thus I went to sleep mad and angry at the world. 

Sunday I as I was listening to these two young women talk about how and what hurt them I realized that they were almost the same things I had been thinking in the previous days.  One of them said, "I feel under appreciated.  I need lots of thank yous but even that isn't as important as some random acts of love."  In my head I thought wow how many times have I said that. 

It was at that point that I began talking to these women about how we have to nurture our relationships.  We can't take them for granted and expect everyone to do what we want them to...especially if we don't tell them what we want.  We took a turn in the discussion and they began talking with me about ways they could prevent certain things from happening.  We talked about how much easier it would be to proactively say, "hey I need you to buy lunch" instead of getting into a fight over who's buying lunch and how unappreciative the other person is.

So, I applied this in my own life today and my expectation when my husband stays home with the kids is that something gets done, dishes, or putting away laundry or cleaning off one of the many messy surfaces in the house.  But, I don't think I've ever told him that until today.  I told him and my little man that I needed them to work on laundry and clean off the table while I was gone.  I caught myself holding my breath as I walked in the door half expecting to see the mounds of laundry still piled on the floor.  As I opened the door a huge smile appeared on my face because the laundry was gone and the table was cleared off!  Even more than that the recycling was taking and many of the toys were picked up.  Yeah for communication.  Even more words of praise and joy to my wonderful, and often under-appreciated husband for listening and making me smile.