Not for Weak Stomachs

Warning:  This post contains body fluids, well kind of fluids I guess or maybe more solids.  If that makes you sick, don't read this post.

So, Mr. Man is off saving the world by creating his army of service warriors...(he's leading a mission trip).  This leaves me being a single mom for a week.  Can I just say yuck and super huge made props to all the single moms out there especially during potty training? 

I had decided that today would be a low key day because the house is still relatively clean from Mr. Man completing his honey-do list and it's too stinking hot to do anything outside.  Everything was going great until about 4:30 this afternoon when my Little Miss decided that she was for sure not going to take a nap and she was tired of the potty training business so she was going to poop on her brother's floor.  Yes that's right ewwww, gross.  The worst part of this beginning of the end of my confidence as a temporary single mom...yesterday she ate about two bowls of peanuts.  All of the moms out there reading my blog know exactly why that is significant.  Little Miss didn't just decide she wanted to mark her brother's room as her territory, she also decided to step in her markings and trail it through the upstairs.  Where was that child's mother you might be asking yourself here...well, I had ran downstairs as fast as possible to get my angels some juice.  They were out of sight for maybe 2 minutes and poop was everywhere. 

So, I stick Little Miss on her toilet and tell her to stay, clean all of the spots that I could find on the floor, along with some extra spots for good measure and began running a bath for the pooper.  I first wiped her down with wipes, then added a tiny bit of antibacterial soap to her bath but not too much because she has very sensitive skin and I didn't want her whelping up everywhere.  I scrubbed her top to bottom and was taking just a moment to catch my breath when I notice that her bath water is slightly darker than it should be because I did after all wipe off all of the residual poo from earlier.  I pull her out and notice a distinct smell.  I look down to see, you guessed it poop squished between her toes just like she'd been playing in the sand or mud.  At this point I was thinking, I have a pretty tough stomach but that is just repulsive.  I fought back a quick wave of nausea and stuck her on her toilet again and told her to stay.  This time she wasn't so cooperative.  She instead rubbed her stinky, poopy body parts all over my legs...gross (have I taken a shower yet?)  :-)  I decided I had to ignore that because they only way to get her clean was by putting her back in the tub.  Luckily the poop tub was her little one so I pulled that one out and emptied it and gave her a new bath in the big tub with once again some antibacterial soap. 

Finally I had her clean again and I slapped a diaper on that bottom faster than a cow to the barn at milking time.  I grabbed the bleach to begin cleaning her tub and the toys and the big tub and her toilet and the floor.  While the toys were soaking, I sat down with a book to unwind for ten minutes when the Little Man says, "mom I found a rolly poley." 

"Awesome let me see," I said secretly trying not to gag at the thought of seeing a bug.  My fake smile was wiped of my face as I realized my son had a tick crawling on his arm.  I was so proud of myself because I was able to remain calm but in the process of getting the tick I tickled my son's arm and he knocked the tick off into the high pile carpet.  Seriously...I can't make this stuff up.  With my super quick attack mode brain still on from the poop adventure, I ushered the kids into a bedroom and pulled the vacuum up in record speed.  My thinking was that I would suck up the tick, then empty it into the trash and take the trash to the dumpster outside.  Super thinking right!  If only it had worked.

I hadn't taken into account the number of toys laying around so as I moved each one, I checked it for the tick.  Then I vacuumed, then came trouble.  When I went downstairs to empty the vacuum canister it was jammed full of dog hair, human hair, and dirt.  I shook it a couple of times inside the trash can to knock it loose and on the third time I missed the trash can and the whole bottom part of the canister went flying across the kitchen...well at least it wasn't clogged any more.  Problem now was that I had dirt and dust and junk all over my kitchen floor, two kids upstairs doing who knows what and a tick somewhere in the house.

I resigned myself to the fact that one of us will get a tick sometime this week and I can only hope it's the dog.  I put Little Miss to bed, played Monopoly Jr. with Little Man and lost for the second night in a row, gave him a bath, and put him to bed.  I am tired and utterly defeated.  Is it Sunday yet? And who is volunteering to pay for me to go to a day at the spa next week because oh by the way, our tags on both vehicles were not renewed on time and we exceeded the maximum fine so we're down a relatively large chunk of change.  Wake me up when it's August, I'm ready to go back to work.